Who's the Boss?

There is an entire society going on in my head... possibly closer to a global political structure. I have a group of sub-personalities deciding on, and implementing, policies to create an ideal environment of existence and a small, but persistent faction working against being told what to do in favor of complete freedom without regard to consequence.I would say I have my very own Israel and Palestine, but that's a bit severe and there actually is a side that is 100% right in my head (the left side, ha ha). I can say, at least, that the unconscious struggle resembles an average city council meeting. No way to please everyone, so everyone is equally disappointed... I feel like this is so freaking stupid, but I also feel like I am not alone in this analogy.

Each year, many of us make, and just as easily break, resolutions for a healthier lifestyle. Many of us make sweeping and unrealistic declarations of all of the changes we will make with no plan or understanding of the limited amount of willpower we are afforded in a day, week, month or year. Never have I, personally, been successful at keeping a single resolution, mainly because I have always made so many of them at once, and also because I didn't understand how change actually works. My conscious gets confused by all of the rules and my subconscious (the small faction that fights my logical side for freedom from structure) gets to creep in and slowly slide all the pieces back to where they were.

So, for real change, what can we do? I can't get behind the "small, lasting changes" idea enough. Beginning an initiative by saying, "I can't eat fast food ever again" or, "I have to workout 7 times a week" almost certainly will end in failure before you know it. What I am finding effective is saying something more like this, "I would like to feel better about what I eat so, if I must eat fast food in the next year, I could have Wendy's or Taco Bell, but only one item and don't be an idiot" and, "I would like to be stronger, so I will go to Boot Camp class every Monday until I can get all the way through without being cripplingly sore for days afterward." (For the workout resolution, there is room to grow. I can add Friday's class after I can get a grip on a once a week plan, then go on Wednesday too once I've got Friday's under control too. There is no "have to" involved.)

The small changes I have made, so far, have been working. I am making nearly all Breakfasts, Lunches, and Dinners Monday - Friday and am keeping my whits about me when I go out to eat. If I order something less healthy, I consciously eat less than I normally would unconsciously. I always need a box now, and that's serious progress for me. Also, I am choosing to take part in conversation over putting more food in my face, so that's helping too. The workout plan is going to take some time. I have been getting dizzy and losing my breath the last few times I have gone. I know it will get better when there is literally less of me to move around and I am going to make sure I eat an apple on the way to class from now on to see if a little healthy carbohydrate boost will help keep the spins at bay.

I have a long way to go... very long, but my logical side is still the boss and the scale is showing that small, lasting changes are an effective way to reach my goals. 

Now, I need to stop buying so many new clothes before I make my tailor a millionaire!

Ramble On,

Mel

I've Been Ribboned!

I would have loved to update this on Wednesday morning but I guess my elation was too much to deal with in order to organize a thought… or I was just super slammed at work.

On Tuesday night at my Weight Watcher’s meeting I got the prestigious honor of receiving my “I LOST 10 POUNDS” ribbon!!!

I lost 1.8lbs which put me at an exact 10lb loss since beginning the program late December. I’m very proud of myself for achieving the first of many milestones to come. The next honor is a 5% star sticker (I’ll need to lose 2 more lbs for that one).

I’ve had the week off from school at night which has been great. I’m really looking forward to taking classes online next fall and my semester off next winter. Gladly my summer class is only 8 weeks long so night school will be a memory for as long as I can swing it. I love learning and that I am working toward something, but I definitely hate long hours in a classroom when I could be home, making my healthy lunch for the next day, doing yoga, riding my bike or even chilling out in front of the idiot box to let my mind rest.

Also, I’m right back on track for the challenge between myself, my boyfriend, his dad, his sister, and his friend Jim. I think I could win this thing. I’ve got 3 weeks and 4 days left to put the pedal to the metal!

Oh! On Monday, my roommate and I went to Costco and got a ton of fruit and veggies and all sorts of good stuff to have overflowing one’s pantry. I have made some yummy salads and snacks so far and I’m really loving the variety! Grapes are the best!

Speaking of the idiot box, tonight is Thursday night comedy shows and such (not the official name… I think). I plan to finish up the little bit of homework remaining for Monday’s class and then veg out to some Community, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, and The Office… Perfect evening for a TV junkie.

Speed Bumps & You

I gained weight!!! Oh my gosh!!! I gained 0.6lbs according to Weight Watchers… (and lost 0.2 according to the challenge weigh in, it’s on the same night as WW… hm…)

I realize it’s a tiny amount to gain, but it’s also a missed opportunity to lose my 1-2 lbs/week so it’s worth serious consideration. I did, however, enjoy every minute of gaining weight this week as I had an Italian Feast on Saturday for some friends and we all left feeling well fed on pasta, Cesar salad, olives, sausage, breaded steak, chicken parmesan and cannoli!. I could attribute the small gain (rather than a huge one) to the fact that a sudden flu knocked me on my butt from Sunday morning through Tuesday night. Fever and body aches really take the appetite right out of a girl. I will say that I feel lucky to have only gained 0.6lbs… but I do need to kick it into high gear soon because I am trailing my boyfriend in the challenge and I want to win!!!

I’m grateful for the job I have because it allows me structure to make sure I’m getting my liquids in and I have accountability here to keep me away from the vending machines and a huge fridge to store my salads and healthy snacks…

Oh! Yoga!!! Did I mention yoga is a bazillion times harder than it looks? We learned to stand, sit, do table pose, and downward facing dog… all of it was really a workout (albeit a sweat-less one) but down-dog was sooooooo freaking hard! Especially going from table to down-dog… my toes do NOT bend backward. I’m told it gets easier, but that was by people that aren’t trying to balance 235lbs on their teeny tiny hands and feet… I’m sticking with it, mainly for the PE credit, but I probably will not continue to take it if I don’t actually get better (stronger) by the end of the semester.

Good week all-in-all, even counting being so sick I couldn’t sleep. I feel so much better today and am hopeful that tonight’s yoga class will leave me with a sense of accomplishment and growth.

See you all next week.

Drink up!

Howdy folks!

I lost 4 lbs according to my weigh in at Weight Watchers last night!!! Woooo Hoooo!!!

My weekly target is 1.5 to 2 lbs and as of last night I am averaging 2.5 lbs/week!
The new program they have is inexplicably better than any program I have tried. I feel like I can eat anything I want (in moderation, of course) and I have enough points to play around with "regular" ingredients for meals... no fat free cheese for me! (it's disgusting, btw)

I'm not sure if it's the dry weather or the new health kick talking but I've been super thirsty for the last couple weeks... and I already drink a LOT of water. On program they want you to shoot for 6 glasses/day, but I've been doing 8 mandatory glasses of water or unsweetened tea before 5pm and then guzzling down another 2-4 glasses each night. Either way, it seems to be helping out the whole goal thing.

The challenge is going well as a result of my WW success, though boyfriend is beating the crap out of me and all other contenders. He's down below 190 and I'm really impressed... good job you jerk! :)

Yoga officially starts tomorrow night, as the first class was just talking about the semester ahead... I'm very excited to see what it can do for me mentally and physically.

All in all I am positive, persevering and pumped!

Starting Over From Scratch

It's been over a year since I began my first attempt at my year long 100 pound challenge. I did not achieve my goal. I added 20lbs to the cause...

What else is there to do but START OVER?

That's right, I'm starting over... I'm not giving up the fight... The 100lbs in a year challenge is on!

I actually started the challenge on 12/28/10, but realized that it'd be a good idea to update the blog so I have a reference to go back to as I go along.

So far:

I started at 242lbs on 12/28/10

I weighed in at Weight Watchers on 1/4/11 at 239.2lbs
That's a loss of 2.8lbs!!!
I weighed in at Weight Watchers on 1/11/11 at 238.4lbs
That's another 0.8lbs!!!

I am following the Weight Watcher's PointsPlus program and taking a weekly yoga class (for school credit) as well as walking and doing pilates whenever possible.

I'm also, independently, competing with my boyfriend and his dad, sister and best friend for a cash prize of $300 for whoever loses the highest percentage of weight in 12 weeks, so that's a big kick in the pants as well.

With God, my family, loved ones, and new found will on my side, by 12/30/2011, I will weigh 140lbs.

Keep checking back as I update at least once a week with my progress!!!

Day 44: 40 Days of Sweating

Today is Fat Tuesday, so I'm pretending calories don't exist and just not stressing out today. As of this morning I'm back down to 213 (yay!) and in need of a better short term goal (834 calories/day? What was I thinking???)

Tomorrow I'm beginning a 40 Day intensive challenge to get below 200lbs by the end of Lent. I'm not catholic, but it's as good a time as any to give up sweets and junk food and to put focus on activity.

The plan includes:

• Working out every morning at the gym (They open at 6am!)
• Going to the gym after work if my whiny, lazy inner child won't let me wake up early enough
• Following a balanced meal plan (kinda like weight watchers)
• Counting the calories in everything I eat
• Weighing every Sunday and measuring on 2/17, 3/10 and 3/28
• Drinking a ton of water and only 1 beer or glass of wine/week
• Avoiding sugar and fatty meats like the plague and limiting my bread intake
• Updating my blog daily, like the good old days

I've been feeling really discouraged lately and giving up the fight on a daily basis and it would be super helpful if everyone that reads this would send me notes of encouragement throughout this endeavor.

Thanks in advance for all of your support!

Day 8: Stats and Start Overs

I updated my stats in another post here

Woo Hoo!!! Week 1 is done and I, ultimately, did very well.

Even with the minor hiccup yesterday, I lost 5 lbs and a few inches here and there. I feel good and I'm growing spiritually through this first phase of the journey. This week I continue the Daniel Fast (ending date for that is 1/25/10). When the fasting stage is over I will be adding in more cardio workouts. For now I need to take it easy so I don't go passing out and all that silly stuff. Pilates all week, this week...

Also, I'm soooo glad I added whole grains and beans, nuts and legumes. I would have completely lost my mind otherwise. And... chocolate rice milk... love it.

I seriously miss drinking coffee... :(

Short-ish post today... I'm going to start updating at night from now on so the thoughts of the day are more fresh in my mind.

Day 6: Dying For a Sweet Fix

Day 5 was awesome... food was the last thing on my mind for most of the day. I spent the evening cutting hair at the warming center and had the best time.

Today I'm trying out a few new flavor options and adding in whole grains. I was flipping out and dreaming of Doritos so I went to Whole Foods and got whole grain crackers (ingredients: whole grain, salt) and whole wheat tortillas made with no honey or added weirdness... Guacamole never tasted so good as it did with the Whole Foods healthy version od Triscuits. Also, chocolate rice milk is a sweet salvation with no sweetener or bad stuff!!!

Today's entry is short and may be updated later. I've got to run to see Avatar @ IMAX 3D! it's gonna rock!

Day 5: Getting Full

Yesterday was great...
I had 3 clementines for breakfast and was full. I was too busy and not at all hungry at lunch time. For dinner I chopped and roasted two medium red skin potatoes with a little bit of olive oil and a Tuscan seasoning blend I had. It was satisfying and delicious. I'm getting fuller on less food. I think this means my stomach is shrinking back to normal size. I like it!

If it weren't for the smell of the potatoes roasting in my toaster oven, I don't know that I could have made it through making the creamy chicken and pasta casserole for the warming center without grabbing a few "tastes". The casserole smelled really good too, but I was super careful not to lick my fingers or the spoons.

I only know one way to be sure that pasta is cooked, though... and I bit into one of the penne tubes with my front teeth and spit the bite out into the garbage. I'm serious about this challenge and I don't want to get the carb train rolling out of the station just yet.

The mental craving cycle is beginning to break. Yesterday was full of thoughts of Doritos. At the grocery store, while buying the ingredients for the casserole, I noticed how much the low nutrient/high fat foods are marketed over healthier, tastier options. It makes me mad because, even though the choice to by is ultimately mine, I feel preyed upon by large companies selling bags of garbage to fatten their wallets and us. I wonder if weight loss companies are connected to the food makers somehow. It wouldn't shock me if Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig paid for Frito Lay's advertising.

Today is more of the same; Phase one of the Daniel Fast (fruits and veggies only) and tons of water. So far I'm 1,543 calories under my weekly budget of 7,700 and feeling good. Tonight's physical activity is giving haircuts to the homeless folks at the warming center... it's tougher than you think. :)

Day 4: I Have To Cook

Pilates was awesome and actually helped me to get that final stretch in my legs making it possible to walk like a fully developed human again. My raw food day went well too, but I lost my mind around 8pm and made a bag of low fat microwave popcorn... Popcorn seems to be my weakness lately. Only 220 calories, but still, not planned.

The cravings I'm having are annoying, to say the least. I think I read somewhere that the body's addiction to the chemicals in processed foods should be broken by 72 hours after ending consumption of the garbage... but I believe it's going to take longer to break the mental addiction to Doritos and cheese dip.

Tonight I have to make a casserole for a dinner my church is hosting at a warming shelter in Ferndale. I'm not looking forward to having to cook and cube chicken and make a creamy sauce when I won't be able to have any of it. My plan for my dinner is roasted potatoes and sauteed mushrooms and onions so, hopefully, the consolation dinner will be enough to make up for smelling the Parmesan cheese on the casserole as it's baking.

I'm happy with my efforts so far, but I'm starting to think the same defeating thoughts that got me up to 218Lbs and I'm getting scared. My mantra lately has been "What do I want to love more, food or my body?"

Week one's meal plan (Fruits and Vegetables only) is more than halfway done and I'll be incorporating beans and legumes into my diet next week.

This isn't easy and it's only getting harder, but it helps to know that I have this blog to come to and that someday I might actually have people who read it. :)

Day 3: Everything Smells Wonderful

Yesterday went well.
I was still unable to walk like a normal 30 year old, but I made it through the day and stuck to my meal plan... sort of. I replaced my intended avocado and tomato salad dinner with about 8 cups of movie theater popcorn (no butter, of course). It turns out, though, that even that much popcorn is only 440 calories so as a meal goes it was ok... but I didn't get my healthy fat in for the day so I won't be able to make a habit of it. Another downside is that I didn't realize how much salt is really in the stuff when it was coated with. I drank about a gallon of water when I got home from the movie.

A couple new things I'm noticing:

• I can smell things a whole lot better. Similar to when I quit smoking, my sense of smell is hightened. So much so that I can smell whatever people are heating up in the microwaves in the cafeteris that is about 60 yards away from my desk.

• I'm excited to be able to work out again. My tiny stint with a sports injury is upsetting, but it's less about having hurt myself and more about not being physically capable of following my workout plan. 

Tonight I intend to do a 20 minute basic pilates workout just to keep things going. I expect to be fully recovered by tomorrow and I plan to tackle the 30 Day Shred again... hopefully this time I'll make it through without hurting myself. I'll definitely be spending more time stretching when the video ends though. :)

As for the meal plan: Today is a new approach. Day 1 I fasted, Day 2 I went with moderation (and popcorn!) today I'm working on a steady flow of raw fruits and vegetables. I'm thinking my body might react better to variety and not just a variety of foods. My hope is that this variety method will keep my metabolism guessing and it's a lot more fun for me. It's also easier for me to stay focused on the little goals if I keep changing the game plan each day. We'll see, huh?

Almost to the half way point of the first week!!! 51 and 1/2 to go!!!

Day 2: Sore and Satisfied

This morning I woke up, still sore from the Jillian Michaels workout I did on Sunday afternoon... I'm not sure if I didn't stretch enough or if I was just way too out of shape for the Beginners Level 1 on the 30 Day Shred video, but I'm feeling pretty shredded and not in the good way.

Needless to say, I won't be working out today... I'm waiting for my torn muscles to heal before damaging them anymore.

Yesterday's meal plan went rather well with the intention of fasting for 24 hours being a success. From 6pm Sunday to 6pm on Monday I drank only water. At 6 on Monday I had a salad with lots of veggies and a fantastic olive oil and garlic dressing. I also broiled some zuchinni and summer squash with a little bit of spray oil and salt and pepper. I was satisfied by the time I finished my salad and was comfortably full after the squash. A few cravings hit after breaking my fast, but determination kept me in check.

For the record, I don't recommend anyone fast without consulting their doctor. The fact is that at 218 lbs I am not putting my body at risk if I choose to fast for a day or two. I've got a lot of stored energy my body can use and I believe fasting to be a biblical and spiritual event. So no worries, I'm no where near anorexia and have no intention of becomming skeletal, I just want to be able to run and wear skirts without my thighs falling apart... probably don't want to do both at the same time, but you get the idea. :)

As for today's meal plan. I'm going to try a consistant approach. I'm having some apples for breakfast, a nice salad with lot's of veggies for lunch and sliced avocado and tomatoes for dinner. I anticipate my physical hunger to be nonexistant, but my mental cravings to be off the charts... Wish me luck!

Day 1: Bravery Required

This is the first full day of my endeavor to lose 100 Lbs by January 3rd 2011.

I am a 30 year old female, 5'2", 218 Lbs. I have been overweight since the age of 13.

My lowest weight in the last 5 years is 192, my highest is 230.

I have tried Weight Watchers, Adkins Diet & Sadkhin Complex and have tried suplemental programs like Alli, Metabolife & Equinox. I gave vegetarianism, veganism & raw foods a whirl and even went a month on nothing but prepackaged foods. As for exercize; there have been countless work out sessions and hours spent on tread mills and elliptical machines with no understanding of what it was even doing for my body. To be perfectly honest I had to have spell check help me out with spelling exercize. My plan is to shake things up with my metabolism. I wnat to take the consistent advice of a few different gurus and mix it with the science of calories in vs. calories out and see what happens. I will update daily with what nutritional method I used and which workout I did and describe hunger, energy, dificulty and what I'm feeling. I will also update every Monday evening with my weight and measurements.

The Food Plan:
Detox by fasting for 1 day
Kick start the calorie reduction by only eating fruits and vegetables for 19 days
Stick to a balanced menu of 1300 calories/day for the remaining days.

The Action Plan:
Sundays, Cross train at the gym 1-4
Mondays, Video: Pilates Basic, 20 min
Tuesdays, Video: Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, 20 min
Wednesdays, Video: Pilates Buns & Thighs, 20 min
Thursdays, Video: Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, 20 min
Fridays, Video: Pilates Abs, 20 min
Saturdays, Video: Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, 20 min