I need to get something off my chest... ok, maybe that's not the best way to start this... you'll see...
I have been doing my workouts at home lately because I don't want to cry in the bathroom at the gym again... I'll explain later. Just understand that for now, this is what I need to do to feel comfortable with my sweating and panting for breath as I strengthen my body. I will have to go back one day when my exercise equipment (which consists of a jump rope, my own bodyweight, and a huge jug of fabric softener) no longer present a challenge, but that day is not here yet...
This post is not about blaming anyone else for my not wanting to go to a real gym (one with actual weights and trainers instead of 100+ isolation weight machines and exercycles and 30 minute circuits that do pretty much nothing) it is about acknowledging that it's not ok for the 19 yr old, 95 lb receptionist to look at me with a very obvious smirk when I sign in for boot camp class, or to overhear her talking to another member about how long I take in the showers because, "there's more of [me] to clean"...
Afterall... It's a gym... it's where people go to get and/or stay healthier... and not everyone is at 5% bodyfat on day one...
It is frustrating to be a joke to people that have no idea how hard it is to live each day in this body, let alone how much work it takes to build myself up mentally to do something to make positive change. It's frustrating to be the heaviest person in the office and hear the guys talking about how fat they are when I clearly have a good 50+ lbs on anyone here. It drove me crazy to overhear a co-worker say "I don't date black girls [because] they're too proud of their big asses, but don't know they're just fat and you can't say anything about it or they just get attitude..." (FYI the guy is black and I'm not so it's not really a direct insult or super racist in context, just very rude and inconsiderate...)
It's common knowledge, that in everyday conversation, it's no longer acceptable for anyone to make jokes about nationality, race, sexual orientation, gender, mental ability, or religion in public... but weight seems to remain fair game... and it is always open season... and it probably always will be because of all of those classifications, fat people are the most embarrassed of what puts them in the category and most all of us want to get to the other side and never speak of it again... Advocates for the fair treatment of the overweight are very few and are often invalidated by people stating that the overlying truth is that if we all just lost weight, no one would mock us for it anymore... (not touching that one right now, but my friends that have lost half or more of their weight can tell you that it is not the end... just keep "this is [insert newly thin person's name here], he/she lost a TON of weight, he/she used to be HUGE" in mind...)
Just, please, if you're on the other side (whether you've been here or not) please use empathy and be supportive, there is not a limit on quantity of fit people allowed in the world, you know...
Ramble On,
Melissa
