Go Team Go!

There is an "I" in team for the following sports metaphor:

I am the whole team. I'm the owner, coach, captain, players, cheerleaders, fans and stadium all in one. 

Important to note though; I am also the rival team. 

There is no one else in this game but me... 

The only thing trying to stop me from scoring... is me.

The only one who suffers when I fumble... is me.

The only winner when everything goes well and I tackle my inner rival and get past that line with the ball in my hands... is me.

No one can take that victory from me and no one is standing in the way.

So... I have to be done with sitting on the sidelines of my life and watching myself fall all over the field and make a mess of this game. I've spent too many seasons kicking myself for failing and treating my pain with foods that couse more pain. 

I'm making my last playbook, and I'm going to win... Go Team!

Ramble On...

Mel

Dream One

Dreamt I was dead or dying in a strange place like a retirement home, but everyone was of varying ages and it didn't seem like a hospice or cancer ward.

It was separated from my life and everyone I knew. Kurt Russell was there. He had his shirt off and I hugged him (platonically) and his back felt like a hairless cat to the touch, kind of velvety and smooshy and odd...

Whenever anyone was told they were leaving, there was a goodbye ritual that involved giving away all of your stuff. Everyone was in shock when they were told it was their turn even though we knew why we were there and what was next... When I got the news it was my time I cried a lot, showed everyone where I kept all my good stuff and went into the lobby to wait for the bus...

At some point while waiting I realized I wasn't dying; I was about to be born. I saw a vision of my parents and my life and my mom telling me they had money saved so I could go away to college if I wanted...

Then I was back to reality and now and was sad because I can't go off to live in the dorms and begin my adult life. I do still regret not going away to college.

I've been having these crisis type dreams for a few nights now and I wake up feeling depressed about whatever theme was most prominent. Being fired, dumped, teased, ignored, dying, my sensuality, my body image issues, getting pregnant/losing the baby... I'm not sure what it all means, but I'd love to have a night of peaceful sleep where my dreams are not so disturbing that I wake up feeling like I never slept at all...