It's just a cry for attention...

Thinking... I wonder what it's like to not think so much, about so much, all of the time...

Today's topic is suicide! Hooray!!!

I live with suicidal ideations, or thoughts of suicide... it's a part of me, and I fear it, but I have tools to manage it...

There are a lot of people who deal with thoughts of suicide on a regular basis, which I didn't know for a long time, because of the stigma...

Here's a reaction that I find to be a very common, yet inappropriate, response to a friend or relative expressing they have suicidal thoughts:

"Oh poor you, 'My life is so hard', everyone's life is hard... It's just a cry for attention..."
Uh DUH! Of course it's a cry for attention, literally call me, send a text, reach out...

That's what someone needs when they feel suicidal.
We feel terrified that no one will be there to stop our spiral...
Like we must stay isolated from the outside world because we would be a burden...
Alone in our overwhelming emotions...
There is no one who knows what is going on in our heads...
So "I must be beyond repair, and everyone would be better off without me".

It is also a misunderstanding of the condition to think that a suicidal person is only one who has attempted suicide, so someone who has not tried to kill themselves must not really be suicidal...
There is no logic in this at all.
I've never baked a loaf of bread, but that does not mean that I haven't thought about baking bread... What kind of bread I'd want to try, looked up recipes online, even purchased the ingredients and set a day to give it a go...

It is true that most people don't think "I should kill myself" when something bad happens like the loss of a loved one, being fired from a job, or getting dumped...

It is even more true that most people don't react to trivial things like getting a flat tire, cutting themselves shaving, or stubbing a toe with a quick thought that they should swallow every pill in their house.

But I know, that out of all of the billions of people in this world, it's not just me and that helps a little, it takes some of the pressure off...

It means I'm not alone, in a room, in the dark...
Screaming for someone who can understand...
To hold my hand...
Tell me it will pass and remind me...
Depression lies...

Ramble On...
Melissa