Taking a New Approach

I am Melissa. I'm from the suburbs of Detroit, but that's not what this is about.

I am in my 30's, have a husband named Bryan. We have no kids and are not sure if we want to be parents, but that's not what this is about

I work in an office. My coworkers are nice. We sometimes complain about our jobs, even though we all secretly like our jobs, but that's not what this is about.

What this IS about :

I am 100+ pounds overweight, and have carried it around for about 20 years. I want to lose weight to be healthier and more able to keep up with activities and sweat less at outdoor events in summer, but have a very hard time with being told what to do...

I have decided to be a better feminist and am working on my confidence. I aim to be better at asking for/and getting what I want and want to take a more active role in my life... 

I'm in search of the combination of personal growth needed for breaking out of what is expected of a fat woman, and still doing the best I can to take care of myself and my health. My biggest hurdle is feeling invisible, ignored, disregarded... Somewhere I learned the consensus is that my opinion doesn't matter as much as a man's or as much as women who are thinner and more fit. I have felt like other's cannot hear me when I speak because they don't see me... I blend into the background... weighing more than the average woman makes me feel less worthy of acknowledgment. My role in this is that I hide in corners, take up as little space as possible by folding my arms and legs, and I speak in low, mumbled, quiet tones...

These are huge issues to tackle worldwide, but it will take individuals taking action in their own minds and families and communities to work together to find a better way. So it starts with me, here, complaining about the "fitness" industry, "diets", and what the TV says I should be...

Welcome to my ramblings...

Ramble On...
-Mel

Whole30 Day 4

Ugh! Soooooo tired... Soooooo sleepy... Humph!

Day 4... Day 4 was like any other day. Except everything minutely annoying seemed amplified tenfold. Except how the smallest amount of physical exertion caused me to want to lay down on the floor and cry. Except how I could smell the sugar through the packaging of the candy bars while waiting in line at the store.

The girls and I went to Chipotle for lunch as a treat of not having to pack lunch. I meant to take a picture before I mashed it all to oblivion, but I got a chicken salad bowl with pico de gallo and guacamole. It was good, but next time I think I'll get one if the spicier salsas too.

After work I stopped by the house to paint the trim in the bedroom and that is when said wanting "to lay down on the floor and cry" happened.

Bryan and I headed for my place around eight to watch a movie and eat some dinner. He got Chinese take-out... It smelled soooooo good and fried and... 

I had some leftover chicken, veggies, and tuna from the day before... Still good and hit the spot!

On to Day 5!

I need strength and determination today. I have a baby shower in the morning and a grad party in the afternoon. Chances of finding Whole 30 approved food might be slim, but I've got a bag if cashews and an orange in my purse as security measure! :)

New Start and Preparation

The new start date for my first Whole30 is September 1st. It just made more sense to use the entire month, plus I am hoping to go to a wedding in Chehalis, WA on Oct 5th and don't want to end up shocking my stomach with wedding cake. :) 

I'm making a big pot of chicken soup this weekend, along with pre-cooking a bunch of veggies, sides, bacon and a whole roasted chicken to cut up and freeze for salads later.

I also printed the Time Line to help me recognize the phases of the withdrawal from processed foods.

You can look it over here. It's pretty funny: http://whole9life.com/2012/06/the-whole30-timeline/

Keep Getting Back Up!

For all my inner fighting and minor victories, I was KO'd by another 1.8 lbs over the course of the last week.

I'm pissed.

I ate a poached egg and a toasted english muffin at Mae's instead of one of their cheesy, delicious looking omelets thinking I was doing so well.
I'm sure the giant forkful of Nutella stuffed crepes didn't help the cause, but I remain pissed nonetheless.

I retaliated (against who?) last night and ate a cheesy, baconey, chicken club with french fries at Bob Evan's... and immediately felt sick and nauseated.

I'm back to writing everything down again, but I refuse to be happy about it! :)

It's very easy for me to get off track when I pretend there isn't a track at all... weird.

This week I am writing down every bite, taste, pinch, spoon and bit of food that I eat and using the Weight Watchers system to a T...

There is no quitting, there's no giving up, there's no lying down in the face of a fight. Goal #1 is still in the works and I will achieve it.

10lbs total and/or 5% down by next week. That's a 2.2 - 4.2 lb goal.

Wish me willpower!

Snow, Ice and Everything Nice

Thanks to the snow storm we were promised (and only half delivered) on Tuesday night, I missed weigh in at Weight Watchers and for the Challenge. I did weigh myself at home and I lost about 2-ish lbs (woohoo!) but don't get to count it officially until there are witnesses. :)

Yoga last night was super hard! My instructor told us we are going to have a session with a really hard type of yoga (I forgot what it's called) by the end of the semester... I'm not looking forward to it because I consider downward facing dog to be super hard and don't really want to know what's more challenging, but I'm going to try it anyway. I'll just do my best. That's all I can do, right?

I'm going to try to practice the things I learn in class a little more often, like when I'm at home just watching TV. I feel like this may be the key to my weight issues and that it's unlocking an inner energy that will make all the difference to my future... or it just feels really good to get stronger and better at holding the crazy poses... either, way... good stuff for me.

I want to eat everything in sight so it must mean it's about that time to go stark raving mad for a few days on hormones and mood swings!!! Hooray!!! I have found a suitable cure for chocolate cravings. Rather than going nuts on the vending machine I have a small container of semi-sweet morsels at my desk. If I'm hurting for a delicious chocolatey burst, a couple of those low calorie bits will do the trick. I just need to figure out how to tackle chips and pretzel cravings without eating one of everything in the snack aisle at CVS. :)