Taking a New Approach

I am Melissa. I'm from the suburbs of Detroit, but that's not what this is about.

I am in my 30's, have a husband named Bryan. We have no kids and are not sure if we want to be parents, but that's not what this is about

I work in an office. My coworkers are nice. We sometimes complain about our jobs, even though we all secretly like our jobs, but that's not what this is about.

What this IS about :

I am 100+ pounds overweight, and have carried it around for about 20 years. I want to lose weight to be healthier and more able to keep up with activities and sweat less at outdoor events in summer, but have a very hard time with being told what to do...

I have decided to be a better feminist and am working on my confidence. I aim to be better at asking for/and getting what I want and want to take a more active role in my life... 

I'm in search of the combination of personal growth needed for breaking out of what is expected of a fat woman, and still doing the best I can to take care of myself and my health. My biggest hurdle is feeling invisible, ignored, disregarded... Somewhere I learned the consensus is that my opinion doesn't matter as much as a man's or as much as women who are thinner and more fit. I have felt like other's cannot hear me when I speak because they don't see me... I blend into the background... weighing more than the average woman makes me feel less worthy of acknowledgment. My role in this is that I hide in corners, take up as little space as possible by folding my arms and legs, and I speak in low, mumbled, quiet tones...

These are huge issues to tackle worldwide, but it will take individuals taking action in their own minds and families and communities to work together to find a better way. So it starts with me, here, complaining about the "fitness" industry, "diets", and what the TV says I should be...

Welcome to my ramblings...

Ramble On...
-Mel

Snow, Ice and Everything Nice

Thanks to the snow storm we were promised (and only half delivered) on Tuesday night, I missed weigh in at Weight Watchers and for the Challenge. I did weigh myself at home and I lost about 2-ish lbs (woohoo!) but don't get to count it officially until there are witnesses. :)

Yoga last night was super hard! My instructor told us we are going to have a session with a really hard type of yoga (I forgot what it's called) by the end of the semester... I'm not looking forward to it because I consider downward facing dog to be super hard and don't really want to know what's more challenging, but I'm going to try it anyway. I'll just do my best. That's all I can do, right?

I'm going to try to practice the things I learn in class a little more often, like when I'm at home just watching TV. I feel like this may be the key to my weight issues and that it's unlocking an inner energy that will make all the difference to my future... or it just feels really good to get stronger and better at holding the crazy poses... either, way... good stuff for me.

I want to eat everything in sight so it must mean it's about that time to go stark raving mad for a few days on hormones and mood swings!!! Hooray!!! I have found a suitable cure for chocolate cravings. Rather than going nuts on the vending machine I have a small container of semi-sweet morsels at my desk. If I'm hurting for a delicious chocolatey burst, a couple of those low calorie bits will do the trick. I just need to figure out how to tackle chips and pretzel cravings without eating one of everything in the snack aisle at CVS. :)

Speed Bumps & You

I gained weight!!! Oh my gosh!!! I gained 0.6lbs according to Weight Watchers… (and lost 0.2 according to the challenge weigh in, it’s on the same night as WW… hm…)

I realize it’s a tiny amount to gain, but it’s also a missed opportunity to lose my 1-2 lbs/week so it’s worth serious consideration. I did, however, enjoy every minute of gaining weight this week as I had an Italian Feast on Saturday for some friends and we all left feeling well fed on pasta, Cesar salad, olives, sausage, breaded steak, chicken parmesan and cannoli!. I could attribute the small gain (rather than a huge one) to the fact that a sudden flu knocked me on my butt from Sunday morning through Tuesday night. Fever and body aches really take the appetite right out of a girl. I will say that I feel lucky to have only gained 0.6lbs… but I do need to kick it into high gear soon because I am trailing my boyfriend in the challenge and I want to win!!!

I’m grateful for the job I have because it allows me structure to make sure I’m getting my liquids in and I have accountability here to keep me away from the vending machines and a huge fridge to store my salads and healthy snacks…

Oh! Yoga!!! Did I mention yoga is a bazillion times harder than it looks? We learned to stand, sit, do table pose, and downward facing dog… all of it was really a workout (albeit a sweat-less one) but down-dog was sooooooo freaking hard! Especially going from table to down-dog… my toes do NOT bend backward. I’m told it gets easier, but that was by people that aren’t trying to balance 235lbs on their teeny tiny hands and feet… I’m sticking with it, mainly for the PE credit, but I probably will not continue to take it if I don’t actually get better (stronger) by the end of the semester.

Good week all-in-all, even counting being so sick I couldn’t sleep. I feel so much better today and am hopeful that tonight’s yoga class will leave me with a sense of accomplishment and growth.

See you all next week.

Drink up!

Howdy folks!

I lost 4 lbs according to my weigh in at Weight Watchers last night!!! Woooo Hoooo!!!

My weekly target is 1.5 to 2 lbs and as of last night I am averaging 2.5 lbs/week!
The new program they have is inexplicably better than any program I have tried. I feel like I can eat anything I want (in moderation, of course) and I have enough points to play around with "regular" ingredients for meals... no fat free cheese for me! (it's disgusting, btw)

I'm not sure if it's the dry weather or the new health kick talking but I've been super thirsty for the last couple weeks... and I already drink a LOT of water. On program they want you to shoot for 6 glasses/day, but I've been doing 8 mandatory glasses of water or unsweetened tea before 5pm and then guzzling down another 2-4 glasses each night. Either way, it seems to be helping out the whole goal thing.

The challenge is going well as a result of my WW success, though boyfriend is beating the crap out of me and all other contenders. He's down below 190 and I'm really impressed... good job you jerk! :)

Yoga officially starts tomorrow night, as the first class was just talking about the semester ahead... I'm very excited to see what it can do for me mentally and physically.

All in all I am positive, persevering and pumped!

Starting Over From Scratch

It's been over a year since I began my first attempt at my year long 100 pound challenge. I did not achieve my goal. I added 20lbs to the cause...

What else is there to do but START OVER?

That's right, I'm starting over... I'm not giving up the fight... The 100lbs in a year challenge is on!

I actually started the challenge on 12/28/10, but realized that it'd be a good idea to update the blog so I have a reference to go back to as I go along.

So far:

I started at 242lbs on 12/28/10

I weighed in at Weight Watchers on 1/4/11 at 239.2lbs
That's a loss of 2.8lbs!!!
I weighed in at Weight Watchers on 1/11/11 at 238.4lbs
That's another 0.8lbs!!!

I am following the Weight Watcher's PointsPlus program and taking a weekly yoga class (for school credit) as well as walking and doing pilates whenever possible.

I'm also, independently, competing with my boyfriend and his dad, sister and best friend for a cash prize of $300 for whoever loses the highest percentage of weight in 12 weeks, so that's a big kick in the pants as well.

With God, my family, loved ones, and new found will on my side, by 12/30/2011, I will weigh 140lbs.

Keep checking back as I update at least once a week with my progress!!!